Go to work, send your kids to school, follow fashion, act normal, walk on the pavement, watch TV, save for your old age, obey the law.

Repeat after me : “I am free”.

You are a product tester and frequently bring your work home. Yesterday, while dressed in a flame resistant suit (up to 3,000 degrees) and carrying the latest model fire extinguisher, you discover your neighbor’s house is on fire. As the flames quickly spread, you stand and watch your neighbor’s new baby burn to death. Which of the following best describes your behavior?

A : All-powerful
B : All-knowing
C : All-loving
D : Mysterious

Normally I wouldn’t bother making a post about something as mundane as uninstalling software. It is, usually, simply a matter of ‘clicking uninstall’. Except in this case, I couldn’t find an uninstaller for Bonjour anywhere on my system.

I’d noticed a couple of odd slowdowns that hadn’t occurred before so I was looking through running processes and noticed mdnsresponder.exe there. A short hunt later revealed it to be part of the Apple Bonjour service. Now there’s a good chance I didn’t read some license somewhere that told me something was going to install Bonjour, so I blame myself for that. Nevertheless I don’t want it on my system, so I set about removing the beast.

If you’ve found this because you want to remove Bonjour too, then BE CAREFUL because you might severely incapacitate your computer if you aren’t

• Download LSPFix
• Open a Command Prompt
• cd “\Program Files\Bonjour”
• mDNSResponder.exe -remove
• Remove all references to mdnsNSP.dll from the Windows Registry
• Remove all references to mDNSResponder.exe from the Windows Registry
• Reboot
• Delete C:\Program Files\Bonjour

Now, you might be lucky and everything might be absolutely fine. It wasn’t for me though. Massive pauses on startup, many services on my machine failing to start (including sound, network, and others). My computer was basically unusable online or for much else.

After much searching using a spare machine, I found links to LSPFix mentioned above. After running it, and rebooting, my machine was back to normal.

Was I just unlucky? Perhaps… but I don’t think I’m the only one. Apple–. Ugh.

Too glorious for mere mortals. (…and autostarting, so I didn’t put it inline.)